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The Ache of Drifting
To feel lonely next to the person who's supposed to be the closest... How can that even be?
It’s bewildering.
You share a bed, a schedule, a history — and yet, there’s this silent distance. Not cold exactly, but... cool. Cordial. Polite. You smile at the right moments, but something inside you aches with the quiet knowledge: we’ve drifted.
And even though it seems like there's not much to say... at the same time, there's so much! So much to say that it's refusing to fit into words.
And even when words do burst out, they're not the right words. They don't manage to bring you closer.
And yet — you still want this. Not just habit. Not just history. There’s still something in you that remembers: there was a spark. There is something worth rekindling.
Maybe it shows up as a pang when you overhear a couple laughing together, easy in their closeness. Or when you scroll past a photo from years ago and realize how effortlessly affectionate you used to be.
Maybe the arguments have slowed, not because the problems are solved, but because neither of you has the heart to bring them up anymore.
This isn’t about walking away. This is about finding a way back. To warmth. To feeling chosen. To co-creating something real again.
Because love, when it’s been through all weathers and has lasted... that kind of love can become something even deeper than what you had in the early days.
Love that’s lasted deserves a chance to deepen.
But it won’t happen on autopilot. Not now.
And that’s why you’re here.
What Gets Lost — and What’s Still Possible
Here’s what tends to happen:
We start by trying to fix the problems. The miscommunications, the tiredness, the unanswered bids for attention, the load-balancing of daily life. And yes — these things matter. But slowly, quietly, they start to take up all the space.
The relationship becomes a to-do list of grievances and negotiations. The joy gets squeezed to the edges.
But here’s the deeper truth:
In every complaint, there is the seed of a wish.
A wish to be seen. A wish to matter. A wish to be playmates again, not just co-managers of a life.
Couples forget they used to invent together — not just routines, but rituals. Private jokes. Silly dances in the kitchen. Little rebellions against the grind.
Couples forget they used to invent together.
They forget they used to dream together — not just about retirement plans or house upgrades, but about who they were becoming, and how to cheer each other on.
When all our attention is on the obstacles, it’s easy to believe they’re blocking the way.
But as the old Zen saying goes: “The obstacles are not in the way — they are the way.”
Noticing what’s hurting points us toward what matters most.
And when we learn to listen for the wish inside the complaint, a whole new path opens up — one that doesn’t just mend what's broken, but revives what was quietly precious.
So what if you could start from there?
Rekindling Desire, Not Just Duty
Imagine...
...looking at your partner and feeling warmth instead of wariness.
...sharing a laugh that isn’t forced, or a silence that feels like peace instead of distance.
...reaching out for their hand, and feeling them reach back — not out of duty, but desire.
Imagine being able to talk about what matters without it turning into a tangle. Imagine being surprised by each other again — not because you’ve changed completely, but because you’ve dared to bring your whole self to the surface.
This isn’t about rewinding to the honeymoon phase. It’s about writing a new chapter with the wisdom of all the ones you’ve lived.
This isn’t about rewinding to the honeymoon phase. It’s about writing a new chapter with the wisdom of all the ones you’ve lived.
Where tenderness is no longer an exception. Where you become allies again — not just in life logistics, but in love.
Because when you reawaken that shared why — when you nourish it, even in small moments — something powerful begins to grow again.
What if that’s not just possible... but within reach?
Real Couples. Real Change.
Here’s where I come in.
I work with couples who’ve made it through years, sometimes decades, of life together — and who now find themselves in unfamiliar terrain.
Not broken. But a little weathered by life. Not hopeless. But unsure how to begin again.
Often, one partner is more ready to reach out than the other. That’s okay. You don’t both have to feel exactly the same way to begin. What matters is that something in you wants to try.
You don’t both have to feel the same way to begin. What matters is that something in you wants to try.
I’m not here to play referee, or to dredge up everything that’s ever gone wrong. I’m here to help you listen differently. To notice more clearly. To rediscover what still wants to live between you.
And yes, real change is possible.
Jared, who came to our sessions as a sceptic after years of therapy that hadn’t shifted the needle, now describes our work as "alchemical." He and his wife walked in weighed down by old patterns, and walked out of each session "happier, more patient, more balanced... able to see each other anew — after twenty years."
Margaret and her husband arrived in crisis. Snapping at each other had become the default, assuming the worst had become a habit. But together, they met the tender parts of themselves — and of each other. And something changed. She writes: “Day-on-day, the effect is a lightening of the whole household.”
They still have work to do. As most couples do. But now, they know the way. And their teenage son recently said, with a grin, “Aw, you guys are so cute!”
The lightness that begins between two people spreads.
And whether it’s a 14-year-old son grinning from the sidelines, or a family dinner that ends in laughter instead of tension — the impact of tending your bond echoes outward, nourishing the people you love.
This work isn’t just for you. It’s for the life you’re part of.
When a couple finds their way back to warmth and respect, it changes the whole space around them.
What Working Together Looks Like
Here’s what working together can look like, if you're ready:
We begin with a joint session — a chance for both of you to speak, to be heard, and to name not just where you are now, but what would feel like a hopeful direction.
From there, we can shape a path that fits.
Our work might include:
- Untangling stuck conversations so they become stepping stones, not stumbling blocks
- Creating shared rituals that restore warmth, lightness, and belonging
- Rebuilding the trust to show up fully — and be received kindly
This is not about fixing you. It’s about supporting you to re-find each other.
I bring a mix of structure and spaciousness. Soul-work and play. And always, a profound belief that reconnection is possible.
If part of you is saying, “We’re ready” — or even just “Maybe we could be...” — then let’s begin.
Your next step is simple: book a free, no-pressure Nesting Call. We’ll talk. We’ll feel into what’s needed. And you’ll know whether this is right for you.
Book a Nesting Call
A soft space to land — no pressure, no performance. Just bring what’s real, and we’ll begin there.
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