Find Your Man

Not exactly lonely

You've built a life you can be proud of.

You're independent and ambitious. You have work you care about, friends, interests, perhaps lovers.

And still, sometimes, you wake up with that cold, lonely ache:

Where is my guy?

Someone to come home to.
To build a life with.
Maybe to raise children with.

Someone you'll cherish — and who will cherish you.

A guy who's his own man. Supportive, calm and fun.

But more than anything, someone who sees you as a whole person. Who gets who you are – and adores you for it: the sad, the sexy, the lot.

Ticking clock

You've tried speed dating. Ghastly.

Online dating. Dispiriting.

Friends have tried to help. Sweet, but awkward.

You've read the books. Some useful, some less so.

You've had the relationships that made you think, maybe this is as good as it gets.

You've probably had the romantic-film evening too — which is excellent for a good cry, but not much help with finding a life partner.

And all the while, there's that clock.

You can hear it ticking.

You're not getting any younger.

You might be wondering how much time you have left to meet someone, fall in love, build a life together — perhaps even have children.

And underneath that, perhaps a more painful fear:

What if I become less desirable with every passing year? What if my chance is slipping away?

You'd do almost anything.

But what else is there?

Look through new eyes

You've tried everything sensible (and sometimes not!) out there.

But have you tried changing which eyes you're looking through?

Because fearful eyes see in fearful ways.

They affect who you dismiss and who you welcome.
What seems attractive.
What makes you lean in — or pull away.

I bet you see differently when you're in a different frame of mind inside.

Think back to a time when you felt most completely yourself — secure, alive and at home in your own skin.

Who is that girl?

Perhaps you recognise her.

I think of her as your inner Queen.

What could happen if you looked out at the world through her eyes again?

My story

When I became a single mum at 25, I put my hopes for my own life on hold. Raising my son became my all-consuming project.

When my son started school, I realised:
both he and I needed me to come alive again.

So, despite fears and doubts, I stepped back into the world of dating.

There were practical dating tactics to learn. I made discoveries about what kind of men were out there.

But as my ledger of "not him" grew thicker, a fear began to stalk me:

What if it's me? What if I'm dimming my smiles, in case this guy is not The One?

I sensed I was trapped in a mental loop.

I knew I wasn't showing my dates the warm, fun girl I could be, because it might be wasteful to squander my radiance on the wrong guy.

I was so busy protecting myself in advance that I couldn't really see — or be seen.

Then I realised: I wasn't playing hide-and-seek with my dates.

I was playing hide-and-seek with my fears.

Many months, dates, books and tearful outbursts later, I chanced across the idea of Dream Lover.

I began to imagine what it might feel like to have my dream man by my side. To feel his hand holding mine. To look up into his eyes and feel cherished — the Queen of my personal world.

And something surprising happened.

Imagining my Dream Man soothed my fears. It let me experience, in imagination, some of the warmth and glow of the relationship I longed for.

And something even more valuable slowly became available to me: a part of myself I had nearly forgotten.

The woman who could be warm. Playful. Radiant. At ease in her own world.

My Queen.

I felt a peace I hadn't known before.

And that changed the way I stepped out into the world.

I became more gracious. More unhurried. I wasn't quite so busy wondering, Is this the one?

That peace inside released the brakes on my radiance.

I could be the Radiant Queen whether the man I was talking to seemed like a catch or a disaster.

I wasn't waiting for a man to make me feel like a Queen. I was remembering how to be one.

And from that place, I could look at men with the Queen's self-assured eyes.

Discovery by drawing

Some things are easier to discover when you don't ask them to become words too soon.

That's why I use NeuroGraphica.

It offers a simple sequence of drawing steps anyone can do to give your exploration form.

You can let the drawing unfold — and gradually, something that may have been dimly present all along begins to take shape.

No drawing experience or artistic talent needed.

All it takes is some paper, a marker, and a dollop of curiosity.

"I was curious: How could drawing lines help me think?

"The surprise was: you can draw about something — almost as if you're writing about it, but without words getting in the way."

Tsveta Dimova, business owner

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What your inner Queen can show you

I'd love to invite you into a three-workshop journey to spend some time with your Queen.

We'll use conversation, imagination and drawing to explore your relationship future from her vantage point.

You may discover that getting closer to your Dream Man begins somewhere rather unexpected: by getting closer to yourself.

When you reclaim your inner Queen

Something changes when you live with the Queen version of you daily by your side.

You begin to notice what actually happens inside you when you're next to someone.

You're more able to enjoy being a woman — rather than constantly assessing your prospects as one.

And perhaps most importantly, you may discover that the woman you've been hoping a man will cherish is... a woman you can begin to cherish yourself.

That's the paradoxical gift of finding your inner Queen.

She doesn't tell you which guy might become your dream guy. Instead, she helps you become the woman who can meet him — whoever he turns out to be — from somewhere much more self-assured.

And who knows?

Perhaps your Dream Man will turn up.

My Queen's eyes eventually spotted the man who became my husband.

My approach

I've spent many years working with women around relationships and the sometimes surprising things that get in the way of us having the lives we want.

My approach draws on practical psychology, coaching and NeuroGraphica — but most importantly, on paying close attention to the woman in front of me.

I won't be telling you what kind of relationship you ought to want. I'm interested in helping you discover what you want.

This is a space to think about something that matters to you, with someone who knows how to listen for what might be underneath the obvious answer.

A tool you get to keep

Once you've learnt the NeuroGraphica process for yourself, you can use it whenever you want to give yourself some space around a question, a feeling or a situation.

You can use it as the key to the sanctuary where your inner Queen dwells.

"Months later, I still sit down to draw NeuroGraphica whenever I need a fresh perspective."

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Prefer the luxury of 1-1 support?

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