How Far to Better?
The problem with problems
The saying “Understand the problem and you’re halfway to the solution” may hold some truth.
But it leaves a lot out of the picture.
What’s the problem with getting to the bottom of the problem?
When you think of the problem, you focus on removing something. At the very least, on removing the discomfort.
When a problem is ‘solved’, there’s the end of it. Phew! No more problem!
The pain has gone away. What you have afterwards is relief and the absence of the problem.
Hurray!
Right?
But what if combating the problem risks removing something vital?
What if combating the problem risks removing something vital?
The joke “The easiest way to sort out a headache is to remove the head,” comes to mind.
One way to remove the stress that goes with your current job is to remove the job. The same could be said for a relationship going through an uncomfortable patch etc.
The point is, removing is often not a great solution.
On top of that, the absence of something doesn’t work well as a destination.
Try saying “I’m doing this so that I won’t arrive in Bristol.” That doesn’t sound very clear or reassuring, does it?
If you think of a journey as ending somewhere defined by what won’t be there, if the picture of success looks like a void…you may find yourself unwittingly slamming on the brakes.
It’s amazing how often people don’t notice this happening (myself included).
You might think you’re slamming on the brakes ‘for no reason’.
Chances are, you’re so preoccupied with the problem and wanting it to go away, it’s actually hard to turn your thoughts to what you’d want to happen after the problem.
So what can you do?
Ask yourself “What will be happening instead? When I no longer feel this consternation, what would I want to see or feel?”
Ask yourself: “When I no longer feel this consternation, what would I want to see or feel?”
You may find that answering this question takes real mental effort.
That’s because you’re venturing into new territory.
It’s new because the problem is what you know already. Imagining into what you will have instead - that takes a kind of fresh spark, a creative leap.
There are many ways to support your imagination to achieve such a leap.
Making something tangible, some kind of map, can be a great help.
My two favourite ways to build such a mental map are:
- Build a map using sticky post-it notes, following the GROW template
- Hand-draw a symbolic, wordless map using the NeuroGraphica method
I run monthly workshops that let you experience for yourself how powerful these can be (see below for details).
Over to you: what do you use to help yourself envision the future life you want?
What do you use to help yourself envision the future life you want?
Regular events
I run monthly workshops that let you experience first-hand the value of my two favourite approaches to stretching your mind into your Desired Future.
Get Unstuck
Guided Self-coaching: LIVE online workshops
Get guided to use a popular self-coaching tool to escape mental tangles and move forward with your specific situation.
Transform Your Life with NeuroGraphica
Live online masterclasses for psychological transformation, using the NeuroGraphica method
NeuroGraphica is a self-coaching tool which lets you ‘write’ your thoughts in line and colour. A great addition to your self-exploration and transformation toolkit.
Not sure what comes next?
Sometimes the first step is just saying this matters.
A Nesting Call is a gentle conversation to meet you where you are — no fixing, no rushing, just deep listening and space to notice what wants to unfold.
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