Money and I
I’m about to say: Money is more of a taboo subject than sex, these days.
We’ve allowed sex out of the shadows. And not just the technical aspects - but the human side. What it means, how people feel.
But with money, there’s still lots of silence.
You can find lots of financial education books, if you look. But books on what it means and how it feels are rare.
My boyfriend reads The Guardian. Its Saturday supplement includes a weekly rubric called ‘This is how we do it: True stories of our sex lives’. I have yet to spot a similar one on our lives with money.
Because money is best left to the experts, right?
But you can’t do that. You, me - we live in a world where money talks.
Isn’t it time we learnt to talk back? Or to talk about it?
My life with money began… I guess when I was learning to speak. The conversations in the family will have mentioned money. I wonder what they sounded like.
I wonder how much what my family was like was shaped by money.
You can’t escape that. Who earns how much and who gets to call the shots. Who feels beholden. Who gets controlled.
I think I learnt to see it and not see it.
To rage against it and to contain my rage.
To rebel and yet to submit.
Most of all, I taught myself to feel torn and to stay torn.
Money talked while I kept silent.
I accepted money as a way to measure who I was.
Because we do.
Like in the old nursery rhyme
Tinker, Tailor,
Soldier, Sailor,
Rich Man, Poor Man,
Beggar Man, Thief.
Which one are you? Rich or poor?
I don’t want to play that game anymore.
I don’t want to see myself as either.
Because there’s something I lose whichever box I choose.
I lose my dignity as a human being.
If I’m poor, I’m in the subservient place.
If I’m rich… You can only be rich by comparison with someone.
To call myself rich, would I need to make someone seem… something less than me?
If I look down on someone, and I know they’re human like me - what am I doing to myself?
I’m torn in two.
Money doesn’t make me do this. It can’t - only humans can teach each other how to play that game.
Recently, I heard someone say “I became bigger than my problem.”
I’d like to see a world where humans are bigger than the game of money.
I’d like to see a world where humans are bigger than the game of money.
Fortunately, that world already exists.
You can meet people who are people, before and beyond money - everywhere.
Everywhere, you can meet people bigger than money.
When I grow up, I’d like to become one of those.
I’d like to grow until I become a human bigger than money.
There, I’ve said it.
Thank you for reading.
You inspire me to write.
What can I do for you?
Not sure what comes next?
Sometimes the first step is just saying this matters.
A Nesting Call is a gentle conversation to meet you where you are — no fixing, no rushing, just deep listening and space to notice what wants to unfold.
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