To Trust a Stranger is a Big Ask

“Pressure to be the ‘special one’ can be crushing.” So begins a recent article in The Guardian about how wanting to be special isn’t good for us.

I agree with the article’s overall message: If you have to earn cherishing and respect by jumping out of your skin, that might be too high a price to pay.

But there was a sentence in that article that caught my eye for a different (though related) reason. It said this:

There has been nothing more mortifying than hearing the crushing words from my analyst, “Perhaps you want me to feel that you’re special.”

It sent me wondering, yet again, about the rules of engagement when it comes to psychological work.

I tried to imagine what reading that sentence in The Guardian could mean to someone if they’re considering signing up for an appointment with a therapist or a coach.

Trusting a stranger with something delicate is tough enough as it is!

Expecting ‘crushing pronouncements’ just adds to the burden.

I want to set the record straight on how I approach this.

I don’t believe in tough take-downs as a method for promoting psychological growth. My take is that stripping someone down psychologically is an unnecessary power game. It ‘elevates’ the expert by demonstrating their so-called superior insights.

Yet I’m left wondering what the benefit for the client is supposed to be.

Fortunately, there are alternatives to such old-fashioned methods.

My twin pole stars in choosing the tools I use in psychological work are dignity and respect. I believe they are best for building trust and self-trust.

When a client doesn’t wish to share the details of something delicate, I find ways to work with that.

One of my faves uses the GROW coaching template.

The great advantage of using GROW with sticky post-it notes is that it helps you create something tangible that you can look at. With topics that you have conflicting thoughts about, this can be invaluable. Instead of a mental tangle inside your head, you get a tangible plan on the page.

Better yet, this is a plan that you yourself devise and chose.

This means that you feel ownership of every bit of it. There is no reluctance, of the kind you might feel when a plan relies on someone else’s viewpoint or advice.

And what’s my part?

I know what it looks like when people hit on a solution they really believe in and can get behind. And I know the prompts that will help you move from false starts to a promising path.

My expertise is in the process. You are - and will always remain - the expert on your situation. And on what is best to do next.

That, to me, is what dignity and respect look like in practice.

If you could get respectful support to figure just one thing, what would that be?

Interested in giving GROW a try?

Check out upcoming dates on my EventBrite profile.

Not sure what comes next?

Sometimes the first step is just saying this matters.

A Nesting Call is a gentle conversation to meet you where you are — no fixing, no rushing, just deep listening and space to notice what wants to unfold.

👉 Begin here